I've always joked and said I was a little OCD, as I've not been formally diagnosed, but have never really put much stock into my "self diagnosis" until tonight.
Nikki and Daniel were over (dropping the kids off) and I said something about wishing my OCD would kick in and get me moving to clean up some of this mess when Daniel said, "Actually the doctor told Mom its the opposite for people with OCD. The mess gets to be too much and they just give up because it will never get clean." This is where my "eureka!' moment happened.
After the girls I was treated for PPD (postpartum depression), as I was after Connor, with Zoloft. In my most recent bout with anti depressants I became slightly paranoid. OK slightly is an understatement, but that is another story all together. When I stopped taking the Zoloft I kind of gave up on all of it.
The house is never going to get clean, so why bother.
The laundry will never be done, so I stopped hanging it.
People never listen to the things I say or how I want things done, so why bother.
Jeremy is never going to understand how I feel, so why explain it.
The list honestly goes on and on.
So after Nik and Daniel left I wanted to do a search. A search to find people who also have some form of OCD that has gotten to the breaking point of I give up. This is the first thing I found:
http://www.autism-pdd.net/testdump/test16448.htm
I'm diagnosed OCD (mostly subset OCPD - obsessive compulsive personality disorder). I will say mine is a much milder form of OCD first off, but I will explain my behaviors in hopes that it will help you see what it is in your own child.
Books on shelves need to be in a certain way (and for this reason, I don't keep books on shelves). I personally need them to be the tallest on the outside and going to the shortest in the middle. They have to have the binding on the outside. And they must be top to bottom standing up vertically. Cans on shelves are the same way. But cans cannot be stacked more than 2 high. The labels must be facing forward. There must not be a different kind of canned product behind another (ie, no peas behind the green beans). And all the same types of products need to be beside each other (vegetables, sauces, canned meat, canned seafood). If they aren't that way, I get anxious and straighten them up if and only if I'm looking at them. If I'm walking past, I don't feel the need to straight them up, but if I'm looking at them, I do (hence the personality and not full OCD).
Other things I need to not feel anxious is the people around me (oddly enough for me, this only applies to adults and not children or teenagers) to do things in the order I do them, or it causes me great stress. Like, glasses should be cleaned first, followed by bowls, dishes then pots and pans. If you're cleaning up, everything needs to be put in one large pile and then one by one separated into smaller piles. Then again into smaller piles before being put away (this also applies to doing laundry).
I also feel things do not get clean enough with certain things. Like, I will rewash a floor if someone has used a "regular" mop. I feel that floors must be washed with a sponge mop. Same with dishes. I feel like the dishes aren't getting clean if a dish rag is used instead of a sponge.
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Everything there applies to me. EVERYTHING! The kids books have to be from largest to smallest to the point that I take an hour lining books up. Literally one full hour. My canned goods have to be put away right and if I get into the cabinet after Jeremy has put stuff away I spend what ever amount of time it takes me to fix them. My canned goods go fruit, vegetables, spaghetti sauces, soups. If I run out of room for those I have another shelf that can be used where the pasta's are, but I don't like for that to happen. And we won't even talk about my Tupperware cabinet or the way my pots and pans should be stacked.
Jeremy always washes his silverware first and then it goes how ever he does it. For me it is always silverware in the bottom of the sink (to be washed at the end), plates, bowls, glasses, plastic cups, Tupperware, pots, pans, cookie sheets and then after everything else is washed the silver that has been soaking. I also change my water after the glasses and before the plastics then again after the plastics but before the pots.
I have to use dish cloths because sponges grow bacteria. A new dish cloth has to be gotten every time I start dishes, even if its only been a few hours since I washed them last and a new towel has to be laid under the dish drainer.
When I am cleaning I ALWAYS sweep everything into the middle of the room and then pick from there. My laundry is separated not only into whites and colors, but into a red pile (reds, yellows and oranges), a brown/green pile, a dark blue/black pile (purples can go in here), jeans, towels, whites and grays and sheets. Not to mention I don't wash the girls clothes with anything other than the girls clothes.
I don't know what to make of it or if it needs fixed. I do know that when Daniel said some people with OCD just get so far past it that they give up caring that I said, "Oh my fucking God, that sounds like me." How many times before the girls had there been a stain on my living room carpet? Zero. Not one stain, ever! Since my last Zoloft experience my carpet is covered in black and gray marks that I just can't clean or don't care to. Most of my household cleaning is now done by Jeremy. Although once or twice a month I do have one day where I detail a room because that is how I like to clean. Thoroughly.
The laundry is hung by Jeremy and never to my standards. Because I like the boys clothes hung on their hangers in outfits and I do not like outfits mixed. I like the shirts to stay with the pants I bought them with, for I buy all clothing in outfits. I just like them my way.
I just don't know. I didn't mind cleaning. I would love to be back on the other side of my OCD where my house was always clean and I had the desire for it to be so, but I'm not and I don't know what to do about it.
ETA another site I found
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php
The depth of ones belief that "my way is the correct way" makes them resistant to accepting the premise that it is in their best interest to let go of "truth owning." Yet letting go of truth is paramount in their recovery. For the purposes of this article "truth" is defined as a person's rigidly held belief which s/he feels is universally applicable. Most often, blame for ones internal strife, is placed on external circumstances or the environment.
